I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
