found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
