She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
