At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
