Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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