I love black thongs
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize