I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
