What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
