I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
