remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
they need to just BURY HIM!
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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