Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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