dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
