P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize