Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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