No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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