Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize