The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
