I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
tell me about the eggs
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
