I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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