Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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