ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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