i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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