I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
