i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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