Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Randomize