Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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