so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
