weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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