Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
