What tipped you off? The sombrero?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
