I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
