I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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