I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Randomize