she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
The best revenge is premature balding
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
