uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
