Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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