she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
