The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
