If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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