i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
