I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
