The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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