the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Randomize
