I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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