i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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