I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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