Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
