haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
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