just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
As shirtless as possible
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
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