Can i not drive my cunt home
he shaved USA in his pubs
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
