I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Holy shit dude........stairs
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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