He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Randomize
