My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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