Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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