Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
