dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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