yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Come on in and take your pants off
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