He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
