things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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