she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
