i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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