my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
