I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
