just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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