i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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