My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
where are you?
Hypothermia
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
