Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
