One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
