considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Randomize
