I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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