What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
