You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
