I CAN MOONWALK!
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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