i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
