Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
