so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize