You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
