I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
