Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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