So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
