New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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